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Saturday, October 19, 2013

The Backwards Mirror

If I was ever going to do a self-portrait series, it was going to be on film.  So with a 4x5 large format camera, bellows and all, I started my journey.  Printing on 11x14 warm-tone black&white fiber paper in the darkroom seemed only appropriate.  Fiber is as fine as its come ;) These 4x5 negatives became my photographic diary showing how I felt.  Something I could not quantify at the time.  I completed the series by making a handmade book of my images, 12 total.

I needed to find a straight stick for my binding, which proved to be more difficult than any other part of the construction of the book.

The book is 9 3/4 inches by 11 inches.

All images, but one, are scans of the negatives, not the actual prints.

I attempted to blend in with my surroundings creating a “Where’s Waldo” effect.  I wanted to be small in my photographs.  My life was going according to the plan I thought I wanted.  Then, all of a sudden, my world was decided for me.  I was lost within it and it took my 4x5 to find myself again. I was hiding, maintaining the life I was in.

By the end of the book I bared soul.  That naive young lady’s voice has moved further and further away... my big girl panties and man voice now fill up that space.  These images were taken a year ago during the spring and summer of 2012. 

 She never gives up, she just changes her mind.

 P.S. For my photo junkies out there, all photos of the books were taken with natural light.