If I was ever going to do a self-portrait series, it was going to be on film. So with a 4x5 large format camera, bellows and all, I started my journey. Printing on 11x14 warm-tone black&white fiber paper in the darkroom seemed only appropriate. Fiber is as fine as its come ;) These 4x5 negatives became my photographic diary showing how I felt. Something I could not quantify at the time. I completed the series by making a handmade book of my images, 12 total.
I needed to find a straight stick for my binding, which proved to be more difficult than any other part of the construction of the book.
The book is 9 3/4 inches by 11 inches.
All images, but one, are scans of the negatives, not the actual prints.
I attempted to blend in with my surroundings creating a “Where’s Waldo” effect. I wanted to be small in my photographs. My life was going according to the plan I thought I wanted. Then, all of a sudden, my world was decided for me. I was lost within it and it took my 4x5 to find myself again. I was hiding, maintaining the life I was in.
By the end of the book I bared soul. That naive young lady’s voice has moved further and further away... my big girl panties and man voice now fill up that space. These images were taken a year ago during the spring and summer of 2012.
She never gives up, she just changes her mind.
~unknown
P.S. For my photo junkies out there, all photos of the books were taken with natural light.
